This round of revision brought to you by (in no particular order):
When in Rome
A giant bucket of Star Wars action figures
I have a confession. And I am blaming Hubbykins. I am blaming him with all my might in the blamiest voice I can muster. He has gotten me hooked on the show Excused.
It comes on late night. (He has wonky sleep habits that he got from his mother)
It comes on FOX. (At least in our market)
I really don't know that I need to add anything, but I will.
Here's the premise: Two guys (or girls) go on this dating show, and the producers parade a string of clueless potential dating partners in front of them. (And I use the term "date" in the ABSOLUTE LOOSEST SENSE POSSIBLE. The "dates" make The Bachelor group outings look like the height of romance. We're talking, "Hey, here's $3 to buy her an ice cream cone. We expect change back.") The potentials are given approximately five seconds to make a first impression via closed circuit video. Anyone with artificial body parts is admitted. Anyone with moral fiber is dismissed. Or rather, excused. See? That's where they got the name.
Here's the hook: The host is some stand-up comic who is freaking hilarious in how she sends away the contestants. I mean really, really funny. That's the only reason to watch the show. That and the awesome late night commercials that surround it. We're considering starting an infomerical drinking game.
Where was I? Ahh, yes. Four potentials are chosen to come into the house. Did I mention this is all going on at a house? No? 'Tis. I seriously think it belongs to one of the producers. Did I mention it was looooow budget?
Again, silicone? Plus. Also, taking off your shirt at every given opportunity if you're a guy.
Then, the two people watch the four potentials' "personality profiles." THIS IS A MISNOMER. None of them have actual personalities.
I just realized I'm making this sound much more complicated and well-organized than it actually is.
Basically these people take turns writing each other off over trivial and vain matters like eye color and what they are wearing.
Did I mention it comes on after TMZ?