First off...a quick clarification from my last post. I am not actually adopting. My older sister did recently, and I used to work in the adoption field so I have a strong heart for adoption. I am going to be helping other families raise money for their adoptions. So, no, Hubbykins and I aren't adopting. For now. Who knows what God has for us later on?
But that brings me to what I've been pondering lately. The Maybes. That's right. In caps. I've had a bad case of the Maybes for awhile now. Maybe I'll have a book published. Maybe I'll have another child. Maybe I'll win Angry Birds Level 4-17. Maybe I'll ________ Fill in the blank. I've probably thought it at one point in time or another.
It's time for me to start letting go of the Maybes. To stop writing for the goal of publication. Do I desire that? Is it a goal? Yes, but focusing on it too much takes away from the joy of the process and stifles my creativity. Do you know what frees it up? Reading. And walking. But mostly reading. And plopping my heiny in the chair and tapping my fingers against the keyboard. Tangible things that I can (and must) do.
And the baby thing? That's been a hard Maybe to release. I've had to shift my mindset. I can't tell you how many times I've prayed the following prayer in the last 5 years: "Thank you, God for my family. I trust that you have the perfect family for me." For awhile, that meant just me and Hubbykins, and it was a really hard prayer to pray.
Then, that precious Pea arrived. And with him, a lot of stuff. I've held on to all that stuff in preparation for the Maybes, but I realized that (a) it's not doing me any good sitting in the closet...maybe doing me the opposite of good emotionally, (b) it could do someone else a lot of good sitting in their closet, and (c) I could get some moolah transferring it from my to their closet. So after going through it to weed out things for my new nephew, I've come to this amazing peace with consigning a lot of my baby clothes and toys. I'm blessed that my friend Ashley owns this awesome consignment sale called Rhea Lana's. (If you're in the area, check it out. It's pretty much how I clothe my child. The sale is August 21-28, and it's really easy to consign your items. Everything's online. And I'm a techno-dunce. If I can figure it out, you can figure it out.)
Maybe I'll have another child. Maybe not. But either way, it's a Maybe that I don't need hovering around my head (or in my closets) right now.