Logline Blogfest

What a great idea Steena Holmes had!  A logline blogfest so we can help each other out and give feedback on our critiques.  And as of right now, it's still open for joining.

Here's mine!

When jaded time-traveler Bree encounters a boy from the distant past who claims to be both crazy for her and on a mission to protect her, she realizes that her worst enemy may be none other than her future self. 

13 comments:

  1. Great log line, Karen. I love it. =D

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  2. I sooo want to read this! Sounds exactly like something I'd love. Anyhow, your logline is pretty dang tight, and the only real question that came to mind was the "jaded" part. Why is she jaded? Other than that, very good!

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  3. Thanks for joining Karen! Love your blog :)

    What if you put Bree's name first, then tell us who she is? Why does he have to protect her? For this blogfest, you can have 2 sentences (using Miss Snarks First Victim rules for her Dec. contest). I would expand more, give me more of a reason to care for Bree!

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  4. I like the logline. My only suggestion is to maybe add another descriptive word along with jaded. Like "weary and jaded time-traveler" But honestly, I want to read this book!

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  5. Great logline! And I'm not just saying that - it's tight and makes me want to read on.

    Just following on from the rules over at Miss Snark's, I'd ask what Bree's goals are. The boy has a mission, but what is hers?

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  6. I agree with the other commentors - great logline but there needs to be more about Bree herself, and her personal goal. What is at stake? What are the consequences?

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  7. Great logline, would love to read :)

    Rach

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  8. Great logline! Can't wait to read it. :)

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  9. Great logline. Like Steena said, you can expand on this for the MSFV auction. I'd like to know why she's jaded, too, but I'm guessing it has to do with a past relationship which might just make your logline confusing. Unless the past guy is important, you don't need to bring it up here.

    For a regular logline (one sentence) contest, this one is good.

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  10. Great!

    Even with a magnifying glass I can't find a problem with this.

    Just enough info to give an idea of the protag, the potential antag(Bree: "Who me?"), and the conflict.

    I like a bit of mystery to the pitch and the last sentence nails it for me.

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  11. I really like this. It's tight and intriguing and makes me want to read more - which is the point of a logline, right?

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  12. So interesting! I would definitely read this one. :o)

    My only suggestion would be to find a substitute for "none other than her future self". It's fine as is, but a bit unwieldy and I'm wondering if there's a better way to word it.

    Great job!

    ~ Jackee

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