Llama Llama Logline Drama

Oh, sigh.

The time has come to tackle my logline, and (insert whiny tone here) this is hard.  Sell your manuscript in one or two sentences.  Make your pitch succinct but punchy.  Oh, and don't forget to make sure it has voice.

And the interesting thing is that I can write loglines for other projects.  Example:  When a charismatic 13th century (??? too lazy to google this) Scot loses his wife and home to a tyrannical king, he must rally his countrymen to fight for the only thing he has left...his freedom.  [Note to Hubbykins if you are reading this: No, this is not a hint that I want to watch Braveheart tonight.]

Or, for a book/musical:  Think you know the Wicked Witch?  Think again.  [Note to Hubbykins: Anytime you can snag us a pair of tickets to see Wicked, you go right ahead.]

I think the issue is that I'm too close to my work.  If you asked me to describe my next door neighbor in one sentence, I would say, "She's a passionate middle school principal who, I realized after we moved in, was actually my most favoritest principal ever growing up."  Not a great sentence, but I hope you're intrigued by the fact that I happened to move in to the house next door to my middle school principal from years ago.  And I could pepper it with adjectives about how she's kind, generous, funny...but do you really think she'd be my "most favoritest" by being anything but?  Even tossed a little voice in there with the "favoritest."

Now, ask me to describe my child in one sentence. Blank stare.  I could tell you he's funny, but then I'd want to launch into a story about the hilarious thing he did last week.  Ditto for cute, sweet, charming, smart...you get the drift.

And I'm not implying that the plot of my book is more complex than an epic 3 hour long movie.   Although, to my defense, it does involve time travel, so that automatically makes things a little difficult.

So without further adieu, I give you my logline as it currently stands.  I would love any feedback you can give me.

Nothing throws time-traveler Bree for a loop like finding out her future self has fallen for a boy from the distant past—the same boy who’s hitched a ride to Bree’s time, convinced he alone can protect her from an unknown threat.  At first Bree scoffs, but in searching for a way to send him home, she uncovers a danger that’s closer than she ever imagined…the microchip in her own brain.

The funny thing is, when I read this, it sounds pretty heavy sci-fi, and it's not.  It's actually funny and fluffy.  So how do I keep a pitch about microchipped time-crossed lovers light and fluffy?

Oh, sigh.



(On a bright note, Anna Dewdney's Llama Llama Holiday Drama arrived the other day.  The illustrations are ahh-dorable.)


6 comments:

  1. I don't have any advice for you. Sorry. This is an awesome post though. Very inspiring :)

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  2. I struggle w/ this part of our craft as well. It's tough! I like your summary here...though it really does sound very sci fi. That's not bad...sci fi is hot right now.

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  3. Thanks, LVW!

    And thanks for the feedback, Tess! I like my query. I feel like I was able to capture the fun voice with a few more sentences. Hopefully, most agents I query will not be that interested in a logline. And, in truth, it's the rare logline, period, that doesn't seem a bit dry to me.

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  4. I agree loglines are the vain of my existence. I've been working on mine all week, but it still doesn't sit right.

    I like yours the only thing missing is the consequences. the microchip in her own brain that it about to explode at any second (just an example), other than that great.

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  5. This gives me too much to think about. I have to stop and figure it out.

    Bree learns she will love a boy from the past...but that event is in the future? And he wants to protect her. Then throw in the microchip.

    Do you have an updated version?

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  6. All right, updated version posted.

    Perhaps I can be one of those writers who never has to use it. Ever.

    Sigh.

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