No Kiss Blogfest!

This one was a bit easier for me than the Kiss Blogfest that Sherrinda hosted.  Thank you to Frankie for hosting this!

Bear in mind, this is from my YA WIP with an emphasis on the IP.

The set up:  The MC, Elliot, has been through the wringer after her dream guy Wentz (who she sort of sack-of-trashed two years ago at math camp) walked into her high school cafeteria back in January.  Elliot's best frenemy Kelly latched on to him without skipping a beat, but he has since discovered that all that glitters is not platinum blonde.  This scene is immediately following a disastrous group outing on their Spring Break getaway.

We arrived back at the cabin at dusk.  After our nightmarish afternoon, I craved silence and solitude.  I found both at the end of Ben’s boat dock.  The fish emerged from the crystal depths of the lake, scavenging for tidbits of evening insects.  They darted below the surface when I dipped my toes into the water.  After a few minutes, one worked up the courage to come back up.  I giggled as it nibbled on my pinky toe then swam away disappointed.
              The dock shook as footsteps fell behind me.
              “Do you mind company?”  Wentz bent down to remove his flip-flops before lowering himself to my side.  I looked at his feet and let out a snicker.  He had shaved his toes.
              “Not at all,” I said, dipping my own toes further into the lake.
              “What’s so funny?” he asked.
              “Nothing,” I said.  But even as I said it, I knew that I was lying.  And I realized I was laughing at myself more than him—I actually missed the weird toe hair.
              We sat in silence for several more minutes.  I noticed that the fish found his feet more appetizing than mine.  He pulled them out of the water and scooted back to lie down.
              “Tickles,” he explained.  I pulled my own feet up and crossed them under me.  They’d grown acclimated to the cold of the water, but with the sun setting, the chill set in.  An involuntary shiver shook my frame.
              “Here,” Wentz said, tossing me his fleece jacket.
              “Thanks.”
              He grinned in response before laying back down with his hands behind his head.  After a few more moments of calm, a mirthless chuckle escaped his lips.
              “What?” I asked.
              “It’s nothing.  It’s just,” he let out another half laugh, “who would have ever thought that we’d be sitting here now watching the stars come out?”
              “Technically, you’re not sitting,” I said in a vain attempt to change the subject.  He stretched out catlike to his full length as if to emphasize the fact that he did not give a rat’s heiny about this technicality.
              “Hmmm.  You’re right.  And technically, I don’t think that’s a star.  It’s Venus.”
              “Or Mars.”  I never could keep those two straight.
              “No, it’s Venus.  She shines brighter,” Wentz said with a surprising level of conviction.  But when I looked over at him, he wasn’t staring at the sky.  He held my gaze for only a moment before  turning his eyes upward.
              “Elliot, I’ve actually wanted to talk to you about something.  I know that the timing is kind of awkward now, but I need to get a few things cleared up.”  He sighed and grabbed his hair in his fists.  He didn’t make eye contact during any of his speech.
              “I just wanted to make sure that you know that Kelly and I are—”
              And that’s when my phone rang.  I glanced down and saw it was my mom.  Oh, by the hammer of Thor, I wanted to kill her.

20 comments:

  1. By the hammer of thor, I'm intrigued.

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  2. That's why you're going to be one of my beta readers, Meg. :)

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  3. the whole thing tugged at my chest a little, but the "by the hammer of Thor" made me laugh out loud. i loved your voice and would definitely read more.

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  4. very nice.
    smooth writing.
    great to read.

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  5. Karen! a rat's heiny? You are so clever. I laughed nearly all the way through - partly from anticipation, partly from sheer surprise. Good job.

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  6. Oh. my. gosh! This is as good as my grandma's giblet gravy! Hee hee.

    I'm with Kate, part anticipation/ part surprise and fun. Love the opening lines, too.

    When did we get to a cabin anyways?

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  7. Karen, Love it. I want to read more. I feel like its been forever since I've seen Elliot. Good job.

    Kim

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  8. This scene made me smile. Thanks for sharing!

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  9. Moms know just how to ruin a great moment. Teehee.

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  10. IDK...I think I keep getting more and more frustrated with these scenes. LOL Great job!

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  11. LOVED the "by the hammer of Thor" oath. LOVED! And I loved the image of him stretching out catlike. That line was great.
    Thanks for sharing this!

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  12. Loved the voice here so, so much. And as others have said, your ways of capturing those #%@ moments with creative non-cussing is awesome. I'm still working on that. Sometimes my non-religious characters will let the odd word slip.

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  13. Thanks, everybody! Posting a bit of my WIP on my blog scared the peewiligers out of me, but your comments have made it easier.

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  14. By the hammer of Thor this was a good scene!!! Awesome. And thank you for participating in the No Kiss Blogfest and helping to make this day a success!

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  15. Thanks for hosting it, Frankie! It's been so much fun.

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  16. SO fun Karen! I can't wait till you get this published so I can read more. You've got a great voice for YA.

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  17. Stupid phone, I want to know what he was going to say! I loved this, it's intriguing and seems real, great job!

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  18. You can't stop there! What does he say?!?!

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  19. Ha ha ha! You'll have to be another beta reader when I get done with it, Ashley.

    Thanks again for hosting the sledding/cocoa mayhem this afternoon. I've been missing everybody, and it was so much fun. :)

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